We're having a kid!

[SteveP]

Attachment 103953I'm actually quite happy, but I'm honest about the push and pull that I've encountered when children were brought into the mix. Life happens, and I've dealt with the wife facing gender discrimination, job changes, a broken leg that took 2 years to get back to normal, colic...
It's all about the journey, and I wouldn't trade my journey for anyone else's, but I've never been one to chose the well troden path.
I was just hoping to convey the challenges that children can bring...i can just as easily share the joy.

mt shuksan

[SteveP]

make time for it. its a great experience.
you will not be able to do all the things you do now likely... but what you will be able to do will be better.

my kids and grandkids are fantastic

[rwsaunders]

Congrats for sure...my favorite book, as it was written like an auto repair manual, was "What To Expect When You're Expecting". Essentially a week by week play by play with tips such as...."you should be experiencing this", "you might be experiencing this", "if you are experiencing this...see your Doc immediately". This book was extremely helpful to a couple of babie newbs like us, but we also had the benefit of having two outstanding grandmothers nearby to provide support, guidance and loads of help, especially after the kids were born.

Looking back, I wonder how we would have done it had we lived far away from family, as so many do. Hopefully your local hospital offers neonatal and birth instructional classes, but even those can't prepare you for the live fire excercise of the delivery room. No sireee. Remember this though....one day at a time, and over the next 27 weeks or so, your wife will be going through some biological and physiological changes that even she won't be prepared for. Take care of her and be patient.

What to Expect When You're Expecting - Wikipedia

[rydesteel]

Congratulations! It's a wonderful journey.

[David Tollefson]

My older daughter just got her driver's license yesterday. She's a fantastic kid, does very well in school, didn't throw tantrums much at all growing up.

She left me entirely unprepared for daughter-the-younger, who just started pre-K yesterday... This one is a constant challenge.

[j44ke]

We started giving this to friends who were having a baby as sort of a gag, but then they kept telling us that they actually used it and that it was really helpful. So pick up a copy for a laugh with a bit of information (seems to cover things new parents seem to feel like they should know but don't and are too embarrassed to ask about.)

[gt6267a]

We have an 11-month old at home. He’s great and very active. Happy to take a PM about experiences or answer anything. A few items someone could have told me.

First rule of newborns … when they sleep, you sleep.

The idea that you’ll get stuff done while they are sleeping is completely idiotic for the first 2 months. When the kid naps, you nap. Even if you don’t need one. I was probably the best rested dad on the planet because of all the 20 minute naps. Don’t be a sleep deprived stereotype.

Goto all the classes at your hospital and take the tour. May you never need to know any of the safety crap they teach but knowledge is valuable.
I made the incredible mistake of thinking that my wife would be in charge in the hospital post delivery. What I didn’t get, she’s just gone through something traumatic and probably needs to rest. So who is changing all the diapers, arranging family / guests, feeding, turning the kid into a burrito (swaddling), organizing the room etc etc … that’s me. Call me an idiot but that first diaper change was quite the shock. Afterwards, I rallied hard. By the time we left, I was teaching nurses how to swaddle. You’ll be fine.

Second rule of babies … babies can’t fall off the floor. Changing diapers / clothing / whatever is convenient on counters, beds, changing stations, etc etc. At some point, especially once a baby is able to turnover, things get dicey. Not saying you always have to go that route, but never be afraid of the floor.

Third rule of babies … go out to eat while they are young. The first few months, babies sleep all the time. Pop the car seat into a stroller and enjoy a nice meal with your sleeping baby.

Fourth rule of babies … somewhat controversial … even if you are breast feeding … formula is ok. Everyone reinforced that breast feeding is the bomb and bottle feeding will screw up breast feeding. What they don’t teach, not all woman create the same amount of milk. Its possible to breastfeed and the baby still needs a formula chaser to get enough calories. Everyone is different but there is no point in underfeeding your baby. Especially at bed time. A milk stuffed baby sleeps longer then a hungry one.

Last rule of babies … do NOT cheap out and just get a convertible car seat. Get the whole system with base units, transferable car seat, and stroller. The ability to pop the kid out of your car asleep and into the house without removing him / her from the seat is gold. The ability to pop the kid / car seat assembly into a stroller and be mobile is double gold. Get base units for your cars and grandparents if they live nearby. I always hate when someone “spends my cash” but this is money well spent.

[vvv321]

Fourth rule of babies … somewhat controversial … even if you are breast feeding … formula is ok. Everyone reinforced that breast feeding is the bomb and bottle feeding will screw up breast feeding. What they don’t teach, not all woman create the same amount of milk. Its possible to breastfeed and the baby still needs a formula chaser to get enough calories. Everyone is different but there is no point in underfeeding your baby. Especially at bed time. A milk stuffed baby sleeps longer then a hungry one.

I think the real question is, is breast feeding the cause of the benefits, or are there other things going on? In my estimation there is a correlation and causation issue with most of the thinking on this. I think it goes to reason that mothers that are able to put the time and effort in to breast feeding, are also putting the time and effort in to other efforts to improve their child's well being, and lot in life. I'd really like to see a study that took pairs of children in similar, racial, and socioeconomic situations and see how they did with one breast feeding and the other not. I doubt we would see the same results of breast feeding being a huge factor.

[ides1056]

I read only two books: Dr Spock because the first sentence is, "it's normal, it's natural, you know how to do it." Could not be more true.

And, The Scientist in the Crib, written by three cognitive scientists about how children acquire language. Fascinating.

Children are the best thing in life. Keep them away from computers as long as you can.

Oh, and congratulations.

[tbonefitz]

Congrats! More young cyclists are always needed in this world.

So, I asked the OB:

Q: Aren't we paying you to get this baby out?
A: Yes
Q: and, isn't there going to be a small army of nurses and folks in there helping you?
A: Yes
Q: Will that small army of folks give us directions when necessary?
A: Yes.

With that last answer, we opted out of all birth and delivery classes. Just be there to be supportive for your wife. She's going to be dishing out some serious V regardless of whether she's doing it like Lance or Phil Gaimon (in this case, I recommend the Lance method--there's no prize for the woman who suffered the most when it comes to delivery). Us men are just soigneurs during the process anyway.

Or, it could go "easy," like mine, where the doctor calmly says "I think we need to talk about a C-section," then a thousand doctors come out of nowhere in an alarming hurry and drag my wife into the ER. 30 minutes later, I had a daughter in my arms. I thought about posting the pics in the "look what the postman brought," but thankfully, the baby doesn't look anything like the postman.

And, by the way, there's a couple of OBs in town here who are all cyclists, if you haven't discovered it yet. My wife's OB is our neighbor, and we used to ride all the time while she was pregnant. Maybe not so much in that last month though . . .

My advice is that you and your wife probably need to get on the same page with the whole boundaries and discipline thing. It's cool to play a little good cop/bad cop, but they start pushing boundaries much earlier than you think.

[deano]

Forgive if this is tone deaf, but it doesn't seem your wife is far enough along to know boy or girl...

We are bringing our little boy home from the hospital in just a few hours, and here's a fun dimension to our experience.

I am a big proponent of not finding out if it's a boy or girl. Hold back if you can! What you gain in planning for the color of clothes to buy is absolutely nothing in comparison to the joy of that surprise - the surprise of a lifetime. You're going to welcome whomever you get anyway, so you might as well take the surprise. Parenting (and life) is not a bunch of situations that can be controlled or managed. It is very tao/natural law/with the grain of the universe (whatever philosophical language you want to use to describe it) to accept what the first principle of the universe brings....

We had a scheduled c-section Monday because little bud was breach; all went well, but the dozen or so OBs, nurses, midwives, etc. were all overjoyed and buzzing with expectation about what it was going to be, boy or girl (as were we). They were taking bets in pre-op about gender & weight; this ol' Dad here was the one to guess right on the nose: Boy, 8lb, 1oz.

Also, re: changes in your wife - maternity is the most beautiful and natural thing ever and it has been so special to see it on my wife... (wait til you see your wife nursing). It is a whole new way of looking at the world. So mysterious. Prayers for a safe pregnancy and healthy delivery for you and your little babe.

[DeeDub76]

Congrats Dustin!!

Wishing you and your wife a healthy and easy pregnancy. I can't wait to see the eventual custom balance bike.

[davids]

I am a big proponent of not finding out if it's a boy or girl. Hold back if you can! What you gain in planning for the color of clothes to buy is absolutely nothing in comparison to the joy of that surprise - the surprise of a lifetime. You're going to welcome whomever you get anyway, so you might as well take the surprise. Parenting (and life) is not a bunch of situations that can be controlled or managed. It is very tao/natural law/with the grain of the universe (whatever philosophical language you want to use to describe it) to accept what the first principle of the universe brings...

Me too. It seems like there's fewer and fewer surprises in our wired/connected world. I really liked not knowing until the moment she arrived.

But the trend's definitely going in the other direction. I was surprised to (recently) learn there's this whole Gender Reveal Party thing. Meh.

[deano]

But the trend's definitely going in the other direction. I was surprised to (recently) learn there's this whole Gender Reveal Party thing. Meh.

Yeah, those are ... sigh. We did, on the other hand, have a number of midwives, nurses, other birth functionaries tell us more people were being surprised these days, though. I don't know whether that's anecdotal, and if true whether it's a case of thesis/antithesis, or the pendulum is swinging a little bit, or what. It's very funny how many people would melt with gladness and fuss over how dear it was to wait when they asked boy or girl and I said, "Surprise."

People want the truth and won't be satisfied with anything less - and I think the bigger truth beyond the certainty we crave is that people want beauty and mystery in this world, whether we know it or not, or even more, how to get it.

[Matthew Strongin]

Forget that. I would have gone out of my mind not knowing. We found out as early as possible and have no regrets. To each his own, I guess.

[deano]

Forget that. I would have gone out of my mind not knowing. We found out as early as possible and have no regrets. To each his own, I guess.

Bet you xrayed all your Christmas gifts too.

[doomridesout]

Me and my wife just had our first one over the summer, so I'm short on substantive advice, but I will say this: Holding a small, entirely dependent human being that will be one of the most important people in your life for the rest of your life is beyond compare. Also, be ready to be giving. Of your time and energy, both to the baby, and to your partner. Congratulations.

[Badonkadonk]

congratulations! and with now 3 kids ohhh maternity and birth and infant stuff is a hazy memory - the brain definitely wipes the bad stuff :)

fwiw, the wife and i always learned the sex of the fetuses asap. and you know whats crazy? we were just as surprised every time, and we got to learn and think about our future son / daughter while not in the midst of the most chaotic medical procedure you'll ever be awake for... just my $0.02

[dgaddis]

Oh we're definitely gonna find out the gender beforehand! I see the appeal of the surprise, but we both want to know. We're not doing the reveal party thing tho. We like the idea of buying boy/girl clothes, picking a name, or at least narrowing it down to a select few, she's got a long list of potential names.

Fun randomness - of my college roommates, who all got married at different times, 3 of the 4 of us have our first kid on the way. One is due in a few weeks, and the other is due two weeks after ours. Not that surprising I guess, we're all at the prime (if a bit late) baby-making age. But none of us ever discussed it, just happened to work out that way.

[sk_tle]

First of all congratulation Dustin.

I really liked the idea of now knowing the gender beforehands and nurses in the hospital praised us for that as it is now a rare occurence and the last minutes end up being less mechanical and more about discovery.

Second pregnancy of my partner was more difficult for many reasons and at some point she really wanted to know so it feels more tangible to her. I would have loved not knowing again but it was simply impossible, once she knew she couldn't use neutral ways to name it. We kept it secret between each other tho.