ADHD - Any personal experiences to share?

[chrisn]

I have two sons aged 8 and 5, and we've recently had the eldest diagnosed with ADHD. He's in year 3 at school and whilst he's very bright and creative he's struggling with concentration and especially writing (reading is coming along with lots of help along the way). He loves science but can't stand English and Maths. He is actually ADD meaning he has attention deficit but not the hyperactive or disruptive aspect. But when he finds something my god can he hyperfocus... He was quietly disappearing at the back of his class, until they do a topic on say WWII or Nature and then he's all over it. If they ever do a project on Minecraft he will also be ace!

In the last couple of months we have done a lot of our own research as we literally left the consultation with the verdict and 3 pieces of photocopied A4 paper info explaining what it means. That was it. Good luck and off you go.

So I'm really interested in asking for real world experiences. I look at the creativity and hyperfocus shown on here and am guessing there may be others. My wife and I are also looking at our school experiences and wondering a bit. We are all on a spectrum right?

Any thoughts/experiences/feedback will be warmly welcome.

[monadnocky]

pm sent.

[rec head]

I'm starting to wonder if we have this all backwards maybe people should be getting diagnosed with Attention Disorder. As in they can actually sit there and pay attention to some boring shit.

[zachateseverything]

I have two sons aged 8 and 5, and we've recently had the eldest diagnosed with ADHD. He's in year 3 at school and whilst he's very bright and creative he's struggling with concentration and especially writing (reading is coming along with lots of help along the way). He loves science but can't stand English and Maths. He is actually ADD meaning he has attention deficit but not the hyperactive or disruptive aspect. But when he finds something my god can he hyperfocus... He was quietly disappearing at the back of his class, until they do a topic on say WWII or Nature and then he's all over it. If they ever do a project on Minecraft he will also be ace!

In the last couple of months we have done a lot of our own research as we literally left the consultation with the verdict and 3 pieces of photocopied A4 paper info explaining what it means. That was it. Good luck and off you go.

So I'm really interested in asking for real world experiences. I look at the creativity and hyperfocus shown on here and am guessing there may be others. My wife and I are also looking at our school experiences and wondering a bit. We are all on a spectrum right?

Any thoughts/experiences/feedback will be warmly welcome.

I was diagnosed with ADHD (I'm still 50/50 as to if that was an accurate diagnosis) when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I had trouble paying attention in class and had some issues with being a general disturbance. My parents had me on Ritalin for a bit but it turned me into a zombie and we got off of it. I was fortunate to be smart enough to kind of zone out and half-ass my way through middle and high school and still come away with decent grades but that might not be the case for everyone.

As an adult some stuff is still really hard for me. Writing for example. It can take me forever to draft an email or a report. I'll spend forever retyping and proof reading the same few sentences over and over again. If there is a lot of commotion around me, focusing on a single task is very difficult.

I've found that getting an hour or so of strenuous exercise a day helps me with maintaining focus. So does removing myself from loud environments. If I need to get something done at work I do a lot better if I go find a quiet corner of the building. I do pretty well working off of a set schedule. I've also found that it helps me a lot if I can relate some mundane thing that I have to do back to one of the things I can hyperfocus on.

[ides1056]

My son was unintelligible at 3.5. I could tell the lights were on, but couldn't understand a word he said. We had KidPix, an Apple drawing program, and he'd mimic the sounds. On the subway he'd be babbling along and people would whip around as though they'd understood him. He said something to an elderly Cuban woman in our building, and she replied, "ooh, cheeky."

He's 15 now. If I had known the school component of moving to MA would be so difficult I would have stayed in NYC. Too long a story for here, but a private school put us through the wringer, demanding crisis evaluations and all manner of tests. Ultimately the State did all of that. They were inconclusive. He transferred to a public school that was inclusive.

Einstein is a favorite of his. He's had his books for years, and I assumed he was looking at the pictures till he explained the theory of relativity to me as we drove to school one morning. My stepsister's son is getting his doctorate in Physics and publishing articles which he shares with my son, who understands them. Max believes Eamon will surpass his understanding before long and become a professor.

Trust your own instincts is my advice. If he's a round peg, look for a round hole. Friends have gone the medication route with their children and I can't say that's worked any better than just leaving well enough alone. My son plans to go to Mars. I encourage his imagination and sense of wonder as much as I can. I don't have a prescription for his future. Kids are built to thrive. We don't all run the same operating system.

There's a couple I know here who've fostered thirty kids or more. Their son has Aspergers. With a few friends he started a company, Malwarebytes. Not a bad outcome for a kid with a supposed disability.

[defspace]

I was diagnosed with ADHD (I'm still 50/50 as to if that was an accurate diagnosis) when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I had trouble paying attention in class and had some issues with being a general disturbance. My parents had me on Ritalin for a bit but it turned me into a zombie and we got off of it. I was fortunate to be smart enough to kind of zone out and half-ass my way through middle and high school and still come away with decent grades but that might not be the case for everyone.

As an adult some stuff is still really hard for me. Writing for example. It can take me forever to draft an email or a report. I'll spend forever retyping and proof reading the same few sentences over and over again. If there is a lot of commotion around me, focusing on a single task is very difficult.

I've found that getting an hour or so of strenuous exercise a day helps me with maintaining focus. So does removing myself from loud environments. If I need to get something done at work I do a lot better if I go find a quiet corner of the building. I do pretty well working off of a set schedule. I've also found that it helps me a lot if I can relate some mundane thing that I have to do back to one of the things I can hyperfocus on.

Woah - with the exception of the first sentence, this is me to a T. No official diagnosis, but otherwise spot on. I work in an office the other branches have nicknamed "the morgue" because it's so quiet yet I keep foam ear plugs at my desk.

[Matthew Strongin]

I now firmly believe that it's time to ditch the expectations of conformity with children and do everything we can to embrace and cultivate their uniqueness. Trying to hold all kids to the same progress and milestones is, in my non expert opinion, doing more harm than good. I won't get into details publicly, but I have multiple people in my family with some form of ADD and all of them, when given room to do what they do best, are beyond exceptional.

[ZenNMotion]

It's a gift. Bike, meds, coaching, cello. Works for me. PM sent.

[WFSTEKL]

I now firmly believe that it's time to ditch the expectations of conformity with children and do everything we can to embrace and cultivate their uniqueness. Trying to hold all kids to the same progress and milestones is, in my non expert opinion, doing more harm than good. I won't get into details publicly, but I have multiple people in my family with some form of ADD and all of them, when given room to do what they do best, are beyond exceptional.

Matt, this is a fantastic post.

[thollandpe]

I now firmly believe that it's time to ditch the expectations of conformity with children and do everything we can to embrace and cultivate their uniqueness. Trying to hold all kids to the same progress and milestones is, in my non expert opinion, doing more harm than good. I won't get into details publicly, but I have multiple people in my family with some form of ADD and all of them, when given room to do what they do best, are beyond exceptional.

The Australian Defence Organization gets it too. They are specifically recruiting people on the autism spectrum for cybersecurity analysis.
Why the Australian Defence Organization Is Recruiting Cyber Analysts on the Autism Spectrum

I'm a fan of dandelions.

[ides1056]

Husband of my stepsister's daughter has Aspergers, diagnosed a long time ago. He's having some trouble finishing his doctorate, and bounced around the workplace in the Bay Area till he landed at BART, where he's found a full-time job in the statistics dept. I get along well with him. The fact that he insists on wearing dark glasses at all times isn't off putting.

I realized with my kids that the communication problem is on the adult's side. They are communicating all the time and wondering why in hell we don't understand. The best book I've read on the subject is The Scientist in the Crib.

Here's one of its authors:

I can't recommend this enough.

[colker]

I now firmly believe that it's time to ditch the expectations of conformity with children and do everything we can to embrace and cultivate their uniqueness. Trying to hold all kids to the same progress and milestones is, in my non expert opinion, doing more harm than good. I won't get into details publicly, but I have multiple people in my family with some form of ADD and all of them, when given room to do what they do best, are beyond exceptional.

THIS^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^

I would add that most of the schools are plain stupid and classifying students as deffective serves as a hide out for their incompetence.

[chrisn]

Thanks for the comments so far, and PMs which have been really helpful. Whilst we were not interested in labelling our son, it’s important (in the UK at least) in order to get access to funding for extra help in the classroom. Our son is definitely a little superstar, but also faces some real challenges.

Like most things in life, exercise seems to be massively helpful. Not just because sitting still is almost painful for him, but also in order to allow him to recharge his (mental) batteries. He’s a great little cyclist, but swimming seems to be his big thing. Partly to help him shake it all out, but also because it’s so quiet underwater. Anyway, we are learning everyday and appreciate the experiences shared here.

[marley]

I am in the same situation with my 13 yr old son. The biggest part was finding a new way to look at and appreciate his strengths/interest and to constantly build up his confidence in his areas of interest.

Also it would be great if their were more male elementary teachers that can handle/understand the energy of young boy vs. a young girl that can sit still and listen for more than 30 min.

I made and continue to make the mistake of looking at him like he is me and "trying" to help him to avoid everything that did work for me. It's like a seeing a carbon copy of myself running around - brings up all kinds of shit that I thought I dealt with - which I clearly have not.

At least my wife is getting a two for one deal - as she can now understand me better :)

I wish we lived in Denmark Is it better to bring up kids in Denmark? | Life and style | The Guardian

.....I know that the grass is greener on the other side - but damn it looks really green. We have friends that moved back after spending 5 yrs in the US (kids were 2, 5 and 9 when they moved over here) and the poor wife and kids all want to comeback to the US.

[Matthew Strongin]

Whilst we were not interested in labelling our son, it’s important (in the UK at least) in order to get access to funding for extra help in the classroom.

Similar issue here in the US due to our insurance companies. Diagnoses for all sorts of things are doled out ensure that insurance companies provide coverage for therapy or accommodation, which often leads to labels that are hard to shake and not an accurate reflection of the challenges or strengths of the children that are being diagnosed. It's a mess and it can be very difficult for both the parents and the child. The right thing to do would be to provide services needed independent of a label.

[dgaddis]

Similar issue here in the US due to our insurance companies. Diagnoses for all sorts of things are doled out ensure that insurance companies provide coverage for therapy or accommodation, which often leads to labels that are hard to shake and not an accurate reflection of the challenges or strengths of the children that are being diagnosed. It's a mess and it can be very difficult for both the parents and the child. The right thing to do would be to provide services needed independent of a label.

But to bill it, you've got to label it.

[Matthew Strongin]

But to bill it, you've got to label it.

They can bill the service rather than incorrectly or premature apply labels to people that are unnecessary or, as is often the case, inaccurate or harmful.

[monadnocky]

Just to be clear, I* must generate a mental health diagnosis immediately, from the initial consulting session (or "intake"), or I don't get paid. I make it clear to patients that I will be diagnosing a mental health diagnosis and I must do so if they expect their insurance to pay for my services (the language I use is actually more blunt - I tell them that, essentially, "I must diagnose you with what is considered a mental illness in order for your insurance to pay for my services" - I like to be as blunt as possible when I give my initial "talk" about confidentiality and the inherent limits to confidentiality should you choose to pay through insurance).

So.... no, you can't just bill the service. You bill two codes - a CPT procedure code and a ICD-10 diagnosis code. It stinks, but it's the way it's done. And done skillfully, it's a diagnosis, not a "label." But that's often out of my control.

* To be more specific.... not just me - every mental health clinician who bills insurance. If you weren't aware of this when you saw someone for any clinical service - well, surprise, I do hope you read your EOB's!

[monadnocky]

And most insurance companies don't cover ADHD. It's not a reimbursable code - not medically necessary. So, now you have a situation where clinicians are forced to give your child a different mental health diagnosis ("adjustment disorder with anxiety") or some such nonsense so people don't have to pay out of pocket for treatment (or proper assessment) their child needs. Yes, technically, this is insurance fraud.

One of the many reasons why the healthcare system in the US is so incredibly broken.

[Matthew Strongin]

Just to be clear, I* must generate a mental health diagnosis immediately, from the initial consulting session (or "intake"), or I don't get paid. I make it clear to patients that I will be diagnosing a mental health diagnosis and I must do so if they expect their insurance to pay for my services (the language I use is actually more blunt - I tell them that, essentially, "I must diagnose you with what is considered a mental illness in order for your insurance to pay for my services" - I like to be as blunt as possible when I give my initial "talk" about confidentiality and the inherent limits to confidentiality should you choose to pay through insurance).

So.... no, you can't just bill the service. You bill two codes - a CPT procedure code and a ICD-10 diagnosis code. It stinks, but it's the way it's done. And done skillfully, it's a diagnosis, not a "label." But that's often out of my control.

* To be clear, not just me - every mental health clinician who bills insurance. If you weren't aware of this when you saw someone for any clinical service - well, surprise, I do hope you read your EOB's!

I should have been more clear about the point I was making. I know they can't bill the service and need a diagnosis. That, in my opinion, is the issue. Medical professionals shouldn't need to force a diagnosis, which can create stress, anxiety and other issues for the patient and family, just so an insurance company is willing to pay for a service that is needed regardless of an actual condition. If someone needs speech therapy, for example, insurance should pay for it and not require a diagnosis of a condition that may or may not be accurate.

As for the part of your post that I highlighted in bold, to the patient and the patient's family, there's no difference. A diagnosis is a label and it changes how that patient is viewed by everyone who becomes aware of that diagnosis. It can be heartbreaking for a family to see a special child with amazing talents only viewed through a lens of how they're not conforming to some BS established view of normalcy. I'm not trying to jump down your throat about this, btw...the medical practitioners are doing what they can to help the patients. The insurance companies are what I have issue with.

Chrisn, sorry to hijack your thread...I'm passionate about this.